Friday, October 14, 2011

Two paths diverged in a yellow wood.....

I'm having some tough thoughts right now...thoughts about where my life's at, where it's going, where I want it to be going, where God wants it to be going. I'm not going to lie, they're scary thoughts. They are definitely out of my comfort zone thoughts.

I'm learning that it's hard for me to trust...especially God. That sounds so stupid. If there is one being in this entire universe that I can trust, it's God. I have a hard time doing it though. I worry that these thought's I'm having and the subsequent feelings and emotions they invoke are not necessarily promptings from God, but errant thoughts on my part.

I'm obviously praying about these things. I don't think it's a coincidence that the issue has been brought up by not one, but two people very close to me. However, I worry that I am connecting dots that don't need to be connected.

I'm doing a study on obedience right now, but I added a study on trust. The first verse that popped up was Exodus 14:14 "The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm." I feel like I am the exact opposite of calm. I am worried and angsty and nervous and stressed.

I've made this sounds like it's some big, terrible thing looming on the horizon. In reality, it's something something that is very postitive. It's just scary to think about because like I said, it REALLY takes me out of my comfort zone. I feel like I've reached a crossroad...do I continue the path I've been on, or do I turn, and take the other? It wouldn't be easy...and I may completely fail....but if it's what God intends for me, I will succeed, no matter how difficult it is, because He is fighting for me. And if it's not what God intends, it was simply a learning opportunity.

Does anyone want to share a similar time in their life? When you were looking at two different paths? Did you know God was pointing you down one? Did you succeed, fail? I'm doing all that I can (praying, seeking wise counsel) but I'd still like to here other people's experiences. Plus, it'd be great if I ever got this blog interactive!  :)

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The thin spots....

Well, actually it's just been the last few days. On Sunday, I left church to go pick my sister up for Vertical, our high school service. I was in a hurry because I had to be back for run through for our junior high program, Fusion. Everything was fine on the way there. On the way back however, right after I got on the expressway, it felt like I had a flat tire. I wasn't really comfortable with the area I would've have gotten off in, so I just prayed out loud the entire way back that we would just make it to the church. My little sister even good humorously made a joke about playing "Jesus Take the Wheel" by Carrie Underwood.

We made it back to the church and I jumped out of the car to see how bad the tire damage was....but the tire was fine. I was frustrated and confused, but hurried into the church to finish my message and get ready for run through.

After services, my sister and got in the car to go, and now it was making funny noises by that tire in addition to driving weird. I had my friend hop in and his final verdict was that he didn't know what was wrong, but I shouldn't drive it home. While we were standing around trying to figure out what could be wrong, how I would get home, etc, I noticed the tire looked like it was leaning away from the car. We got a flashlight out and discovered that 4 of the 5 lug nuts that were supposed to secure my tire were missing. Slightly terrified that we almost died and immensely relieved that we didn't, my sister and I got a ride home and another friend agreed to pick me up in the morning and get some new lug nuts.

We got back out to the car and my buddy was attempting to put the lug nuts on, but could not seem to get to the bolts they attached too. I suggested that it was because the tire was tipped out. So he went to take the last lug nut off and the bold it was attached to snapped off! The other 4 bolts were gone as well. I had been driving 60mph on a tire that was held on by one bolt. The only thing I could think was that God was definitely watching out for us.

I wound up getting the car towed and fixed. It ended up being more than I originally thought, but still not bad. Regardless, this was unexpected expenses and my hours had just been cut at work. I was obviously re-doing my budget in my head, seeing as my check was going to be less then it normally was. I went to work the next day and when I got home, I checked my mail. I had the normal assortment of flyer's and such, but I also had a card. It was about the size of a thank you card, so I assumed it was from the wedding I attended that past Friday. (Although, I was honestly amazed that the newlyweds would get thank you cards out that fast. Honeymoon vs thank you cards? Honeymoon wins every time!) I tossed the mail on the stand and went to let the dogs out and change out of my work clothes. When I finally picked the card up to open it, if felt slightly thicker then a normal thank you card. I didn't think anything of it, because the invites for the shower's had been thick due to the scrap booking efforts of the bride and her friends. When I opened the card however, there was not a thank you regarding the wedding.

There was a note thanking me for the work I do with Fusion and for the time I invest in the kids. There was also 5 crisp $20 bills. I have no idea who sent the card. The didn't sign it and there was no return address. All I do know is that, once again, God showed up in an unexpected place. It was postmarked the day before my car had broken.

In our Life Group, we are reading a book that talks about the thin spots, where heaven and earth meet. This was a thin spot for me. The earthly needs/issues I had this week were met by a touch of heaven, a loving whisper from my Creator.

I'm not sure why people would prefer to believe that we are here on accident, or that there may be a higher power, but it is distant and not involved with us. I see evidence everyday of a loving God, that created and is currently perfecting me (if I'd just get out of the way!!)...a God who uses people to touch others hearts. He is not distant, but is incredibly close by, if only we would acknowledge Him.

I know most of this post has been the back story of the car, but I hope anyone reading has made it this far. We have the breath of God within us (Job 32:8)....it makes us intelligent, not just in an academic way, but in a holy way. When we let Jesus' breath fill us, we begin to think and act more like Him.

Whoever sent me that card, thank you for breathing the breath of the Almighty. :)

Friday, October 7, 2011

Today you get a cute outfit!

I'm trying to think of something creative or thought provoking to write about and I keep coming up blank. So I thought I'd show you how adorable my outfit is today. The sparkly champagne colored shoes and chandelier peach earrings compliment my adorable (slightly) sparkly sweater from Charlotte Russe perfectly!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Two days in a row!

I found a verse in scripture today that kind of blew me away...I'm sure I've read this before but for some reason it never stood out until today:

"But there is a spirit within people,
     the breath of the Almighty within them,
that makes them intelligent."
                                  ~Job 32:8

The whole verse is beautiful, but what stuns me is that middle line. Read it again.

...the breath of the Almighty within them...

I read this verse during a a reading plan on wisdom. Not only is it beautifully written, but it gives me hope. I do not always make the smartest decisions. Those not so wise decision usually come when it's something I'm not sure about and I just decide on my own what I should say/do. I don't pray about it, or consult the bible...I just use my own "wisdom." I'm not saying I always make poor choices, but if I'm going to be honest, I've made more than my fair share of them.

This is where the hope comes in to play. The more I turn towards Jesus, the more I pursue Him, the more like Him I will become. Or, the more I let the breath that He breathed into me flourish, the more wise I will become. I by no means think that means I will never screw up or make mistakes. I do think it means I will think and act more like Jesus...and will hopefully be wiser for it.

Really though, I can't get over the beauty of that passage. I'm a big fan of tattoo's and have several. All but one highlights my faith, and all are in places that are easily covered should I need to cover them. I keep thinking about this verse in a flowery script as a tattoo somewhere....if I can think of somewhere to have it inked that I can easily cover, it will be my next one. As it stands now, I have a tattoo on my right ankle, my left shoulder, my lower back, and both wrists. Any ideas where I can get the new one? :-D

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

I'm a terrible blogger....

I say I want to write a novel, but I can't even commit to blogging every day, lol....we're going to give it (yet!) another go though!

The problem is, even though I have tons of things I think about and want to say, sometimes I lack the motivation to follow through. I've been struggling with this for awhile. I have SO much that I want to do, and if I'm totally honest with myself, I have time to do it all. The problem is I get lazy. I go home and tell myself I've had a long day and I deserve to sit and play XBox for a little bit, but I end up sitting there for hours! The books I want to read, the walks I want to take, the movies I want to watch...they all sit, collecting dust. Sometimes it's not XBox. Sometimes it's going out/over to a friend's house. I wind up gone all day, only to come home to a house that has been waiting expectantly for it's occupant to LIVE in it.

This past week I have been trying to spend more time at home...and not playing video games. I have truly learned the value of time spent by yourself and being comfortable with yourself over the last 2 years. I am trying to rekindle interests and passions that I let fall to the wayside during my "dark years" as I like to call them. I have reunited with my love of reading....I can't tell you how many books I've read over the last 2 years OR the percentage comparison of how many books I had read the previous 6 years before that. A group of friends and I have even formed a book club to discuss the books that we read, since we all seem to have common interests. I've always been one to take a fiction book as just that...a good story. But this book club has encouraged me to not only enjoy the story, but look past it and see what the message behind the words is trying to convey.

That's just one of many passions though....I love to cook and bake and have been dabbling with that a little bit as well, though not as much as I'd like. I used to love to write and draw as well. I partly blame that I no longer do these things on the fact that I have a job that is predominately left brain oriented....and I've never been a left brained girl :) So it's a bit of a stretch for me to not only be in this job, but to try and switch to the more artistic, creative person I am at my core.

In all of this turmoil of time versus passions versus requirements, I still make time for the most important relationship in my life, my relationship with Christ. Unfortunately, all too often, it falls by the wayside as well. I get caught up in the tasks and motions of doing ministry and sometimes forget the point of ministry. This is first in my pursuits. When I am hopelessly and completely in love with Christ, and He is the most important thing in my life, I find other things fall into place more easily. When difficulties arise, they aren't nearly as stressful as when I am far from Him.

I guess the whole point of today's blog is that I need to pursue Jesus more passionately and consistently then I have been. I need to remember that the point of ministry is not accomplishing tasks or programs. The point of ministry is to be wholly in love with Christ and to show that love to others and help them to become completely in love with Him as well. My first thought in the morning should be of Him, and my last thought before I lay my head on my pillow should be of Him. The more I love Him, the more I will become like Him. I feel like as that happens, I will become more the person He created me to be...which means I will more easily make time for those interests/passions that I miss so dearly.