We hear that phrase a lot, don't we? As with most things, however, it's easier said than done. Forgiveness takes more than we could ever imagine sometimes. And forget? Let's be honest...that's almost impossible to do. They seem to go hand in hand if we are to believe the cliched phrase...but do they?
As Christians, we are called to forgive, if for no other reason than Christ forgave us. I think of the daily list of things I do that I know are outside His will and I cringe sometimes. It may be infractions as "small" as a hateful thought, but it's still less than what He desires of my life. He forgives though, over and over again. So the question then becomes, if He can do it so frequently and easily, why is it so hard for us?
I think that we forget what forgiveness actually involves. As I was recently reminded by the Living It Out, forgiveness is not just a one time occurence. Sometimes it's a process. We may think we've forgiven someone for a hurt they caused us. Then something reminds us of that pain or the transgressor hurts us again. That's where forgivenss changes from a choice to a process.
We must make the choice to forgive AGAIN. It may be harder to do the second time around, but it's even more important. If you have a bruise on your leg and you hit it again, it hurts even more and takes longer to heal. The same idea applies to hurts in our lives. If the same person hurts you more than once, you will find that, not only does it get more painful, it gets harder to forgive them. It must not be an option we give ourselves; we must make it a necessity to forgive. Not just for the perpetrator of our pain, but for ourselves as well.
Forgiving someone is just as much for us as it is for the one we are forgiving. If we ever reach a point where we "can not" forgive someone, we are in danger of causing irreparable damage to our own hearts, more so than anyone else could cause us. First, to say we can not forgive someone is a lie. It's not that we CAN NOT forgive them, it's that we do not WANT to forgive them. Second, holding on to the anger and bitterness does not cause them harm, it causes us harm. It destroys OUR hearts, OUR friendships, and OUR relationship with God.
This is why we must not only forgive, but be WILLING to forgive. In the end, we are the ones destroyed if we do not. But do we need to forget?
I think one of the most difficult things to overcome in forgivness is the idea that it means a relationship stays exactly the same. To forgive someone does NOT mean that the relationship is restored to what it once was. To be sure, there are times where we forgive someone and the relationship can stay the same going forward. There are some hurts though, that are too repetitive or too deep. In this case, it is still imperative we forgive, but to maintain that relationship would ultimately cause more harm than good. It's ok to not "forget" sometimes.
I think it's also vital to remember that our God is a God of redemption...I know I have seen Him redeem hurts I've experienced more times than I can count. It doesn't invalidate the hurt I experienced, but it's amazing to know that He can and will use that hurt for good in our lives and the lives of others. This verse helpes me remember that:
He provided REDEMPTION for his people; he ordained his covenant forever-holy and awesome is his name. ~Psalm 111:9
Forgiveness, redemption....these are all things God wants for us. He has given us the capacity for them. All we need to do is hold tightly to these truths; forgive those that hurt us, whether it's the first time or the 700th time, evaluate relationships that are damaging and move towards healthy ones, and never forget that we forgive because He has and is forgiving of us.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Jonah, Me, and a 2014 Version of a Whale
Once upon a time, a girl didn't listen to God and got swallowed by a whale.
Not buying it? Ok, maybe I didn't get swallowed by a LITERAL whale like Jonah did, but I definitely have some stuff in common with that guy. For those of you who may not be familiar, there's a book in the Old Testament called Jonah. In it, we learn that God told Jonah to go and preach against the city of Nineveh. Jonah wasn't too hot on that idea though...he knew his message wouldn't be well received. So he went the exact OPPOSITE direction God told him to go.
Just to clear things up, God did not tell me to go and preach against anyone. He did however, put a very specific whisper in my ear that I ignored.
In the spring of last year, some very good friends announced that they would be moving to Florida to plant a church. When they announced it, I was sad, but at the same time kind of curious about it. I had never thought about church planting before. I told Mark Bernard, who would be the lead pastor and head up the plant, that I was interested.
Over the next couple weeks I kept asking questions until one pivotal service. I can't tell you everything about the service or even exactly what was said. I remember that Steve Hutmacher was in a video, talking about the future of the Church and how new churches were needed...and I knew I was meant to go with Mark and the rest of the team.
In May of last year, a team of 9 of us went to Florida to decide on the final location for the church. There were 3 locations that were looked at: Palm coast, Jacksonville, and Melbourne. At this point, I was doubting my decision to move. When we visited Palm Coast and discussed Jacksonville, I had a sense of relief. If either of these places were chosen, it would be easy for me to stay in Toledo. Then we visited Melbourne.
Melbourne was a beautiful town on the Atlantic coast. About 45 minutes southeast of Orlando, it reminded me slightly of my beloved Myrtle Beach. It had the same laid back, coastal city feel...but without all the garish tourist hype. I fell in love...and my immediate thought was "Crap. I have a choice to make."
When we got back to Toledo, I kept putting off the decision, saying I was thinking and praying about it. The truth was that I had things I was clinging to and wasn't ready to give up...and moving to Melbourne would mean surrendering those things for good. And that's when I was swallowed.
Slowly, over a period of about 6 to 8 months, I saw most of these things I was holding on to begin to disappear. There were several different facets to these things: relational, occupational, spiritual. Eventually I reached a place where I was more depressed and miserable than I had ever been; I was in the belly of a whale, and I wanted out. Then I got a phone call that changed everything.
One of my best friends (and Mark's daughter), Jess, called me while I was at work. I shot her a quick text telling her I was at work and asking what was up. She said that Mark just had a couple questions for me. I told her I'd call him after work. I figured he just wanted my opinion on something for Student Ministries since I had been so heavily involved when he was in Toledo.
The first words out of Mark's mouth were "What do we need to do to get you down here?" I promptly burst in to tears. I'll save you the details of the conversation, but after I hung up, I promised God I was done running.
What's amazing is how everything has fallen in to place since that conversation. Anyone who knows me will tell you I HATE making decisions...and constantly second guess mine. I can honestly say this is the first decision I've made that I've felt total peace about and haven't second guessed. I'm excited to begin my new life in Melbourne and see what God has planned for me there.
There are lots of people in Toledo I will miss. My best friend Kelly, my dear friends the ENTIRE Shortridge clan, my family...I could probably go on and on. But I know that God has amazing things in store for me. He's been faithful in redeeming the hurt in my life before, and He will be faithful again.
Have you ever known that God wanted something of you and run the opposite way? What was it? How did it end up?
Not buying it? Ok, maybe I didn't get swallowed by a LITERAL whale like Jonah did, but I definitely have some stuff in common with that guy. For those of you who may not be familiar, there's a book in the Old Testament called Jonah. In it, we learn that God told Jonah to go and preach against the city of Nineveh. Jonah wasn't too hot on that idea though...he knew his message wouldn't be well received. So he went the exact OPPOSITE direction God told him to go.
Just to clear things up, God did not tell me to go and preach against anyone. He did however, put a very specific whisper in my ear that I ignored.
In the spring of last year, some very good friends announced that they would be moving to Florida to plant a church. When they announced it, I was sad, but at the same time kind of curious about it. I had never thought about church planting before. I told Mark Bernard, who would be the lead pastor and head up the plant, that I was interested.
Over the next couple weeks I kept asking questions until one pivotal service. I can't tell you everything about the service or even exactly what was said. I remember that Steve Hutmacher was in a video, talking about the future of the Church and how new churches were needed...and I knew I was meant to go with Mark and the rest of the team.
In May of last year, a team of 9 of us went to Florida to decide on the final location for the church. There were 3 locations that were looked at: Palm coast, Jacksonville, and Melbourne. At this point, I was doubting my decision to move. When we visited Palm Coast and discussed Jacksonville, I had a sense of relief. If either of these places were chosen, it would be easy for me to stay in Toledo. Then we visited Melbourne.
Melbourne was a beautiful town on the Atlantic coast. About 45 minutes southeast of Orlando, it reminded me slightly of my beloved Myrtle Beach. It had the same laid back, coastal city feel...but without all the garish tourist hype. I fell in love...and my immediate thought was "Crap. I have a choice to make."
When we got back to Toledo, I kept putting off the decision, saying I was thinking and praying about it. The truth was that I had things I was clinging to and wasn't ready to give up...and moving to Melbourne would mean surrendering those things for good. And that's when I was swallowed.
Slowly, over a period of about 6 to 8 months, I saw most of these things I was holding on to begin to disappear. There were several different facets to these things: relational, occupational, spiritual. Eventually I reached a place where I was more depressed and miserable than I had ever been; I was in the belly of a whale, and I wanted out. Then I got a phone call that changed everything.
One of my best friends (and Mark's daughter), Jess, called me while I was at work. I shot her a quick text telling her I was at work and asking what was up. She said that Mark just had a couple questions for me. I told her I'd call him after work. I figured he just wanted my opinion on something for Student Ministries since I had been so heavily involved when he was in Toledo.
The first words out of Mark's mouth were "What do we need to do to get you down here?" I promptly burst in to tears. I'll save you the details of the conversation, but after I hung up, I promised God I was done running.
What's amazing is how everything has fallen in to place since that conversation. Anyone who knows me will tell you I HATE making decisions...and constantly second guess mine. I can honestly say this is the first decision I've made that I've felt total peace about and haven't second guessed. I'm excited to begin my new life in Melbourne and see what God has planned for me there.
There are lots of people in Toledo I will miss. My best friend Kelly, my dear friends the ENTIRE Shortridge clan, my family...I could probably go on and on. But I know that God has amazing things in store for me. He's been faithful in redeeming the hurt in my life before, and He will be faithful again.
Have you ever known that God wanted something of you and run the opposite way? What was it? How did it end up?
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
A Cord of Three Threads....
There is one thing that the entire human race has in common: we are all relational. Whether it is a friendship, a family member, or a significant other, we all have relationships that we value and invest in.
Can I be honest though? There are a lot of times I screw it up.
I decide to just “suck it up” when someone says or does something that hurts me. Other times I’ve made one person so important in my life I can’t seem to function without them. And then there are the times I put on an act to make sure I “mesh” with the people I’m hanging out with.
Any way you look at it, these are mistakes. And I’m guessing I’m not the only one who has made them. Lately I’ve been wondering if there’s a way to move through life and minimize the damage caused by these pitfalls? I believe there is.
First, we need to realize that healthy relationships require communication. Let’s be honest. No one likes confrontation. But when it comes to those we care about, sometimes it is required. It may be hard to tell a loved one that they have upset or hurt you, but it’s necessary to move forward. Refusing to discuss issues is a one way ticket to an imploding relationship.
Second, realize that healthy relationships are balanced. Every relationship goes through different seasons. Sometimes you need your friend’s support more, and other times they need yours. If you find yourself constantly giving and never receiving, or constantly taking and never giving, it may be time to re-evaluate the importance of that relationship.
The second part of a balanced relationship is ensuring that you don’t revolve your life around one person. Sometimes it is that “best friend” that we can do absolutely nothing without; most often, it’s a potential love interest or significant other. We need to remember that part of what makes meaningful relationships fulfilling and fun is that it involves two separate people…not two people who cannot separate from each other.
Healthy relationships also mirror Christ’s love. These are ones where both people can be totally honest with each other without fear of rejection. We should not need to “perform” to be accepted by those we love. That doesn’t mean that you always agree on everything, but it does mean you accept and love each other for who you are, not how you act or what you offer. If you feel like you need to behave or act a certain way around particular people, it might be time to re-think those relationships.
Finally, the healthiest relationships are centered on Christ. I’m going to make you work for this one…check out Ecclesiastes 4:12. Read it. Think about it. Tell me what it means to you. It’s been pivotal for me.
God created us to be relational and wants us to have fulfilling relationships. We’re never going to get it perfect…we’re human. But I believe that if we keep these principles in mind, our relationships will flourish like we’ve never seen before.
What’s one area you need to strengthen when it comes to your relationships?
Can I be honest though? There are a lot of times I screw it up.
I decide to just “suck it up” when someone says or does something that hurts me. Other times I’ve made one person so important in my life I can’t seem to function without them. And then there are the times I put on an act to make sure I “mesh” with the people I’m hanging out with.
Any way you look at it, these are mistakes. And I’m guessing I’m not the only one who has made them. Lately I’ve been wondering if there’s a way to move through life and minimize the damage caused by these pitfalls? I believe there is.
First, we need to realize that healthy relationships require communication. Let’s be honest. No one likes confrontation. But when it comes to those we care about, sometimes it is required. It may be hard to tell a loved one that they have upset or hurt you, but it’s necessary to move forward. Refusing to discuss issues is a one way ticket to an imploding relationship.
Second, realize that healthy relationships are balanced. Every relationship goes through different seasons. Sometimes you need your friend’s support more, and other times they need yours. If you find yourself constantly giving and never receiving, or constantly taking and never giving, it may be time to re-evaluate the importance of that relationship.
The second part of a balanced relationship is ensuring that you don’t revolve your life around one person. Sometimes it is that “best friend” that we can do absolutely nothing without; most often, it’s a potential love interest or significant other. We need to remember that part of what makes meaningful relationships fulfilling and fun is that it involves two separate people…not two people who cannot separate from each other.
Healthy relationships also mirror Christ’s love. These are ones where both people can be totally honest with each other without fear of rejection. We should not need to “perform” to be accepted by those we love. That doesn’t mean that you always agree on everything, but it does mean you accept and love each other for who you are, not how you act or what you offer. If you feel like you need to behave or act a certain way around particular people, it might be time to re-think those relationships.
Finally, the healthiest relationships are centered on Christ. I’m going to make you work for this one…check out Ecclesiastes 4:12. Read it. Think about it. Tell me what it means to you. It’s been pivotal for me.
God created us to be relational and wants us to have fulfilling relationships. We’re never going to get it perfect…we’re human. But I believe that if we keep these principles in mind, our relationships will flourish like we’ve never seen before.
What’s one area you need to strengthen when it comes to your relationships?
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