Day Four: Delete.

First, as a matter of accountability, I did not, in fact, get to sleep by 11pm last night. Normally Friday wouldn't count but, lucky me, I get to be the weekend manager at work this weekend. I'm thrilled. Can you tell? I thought so.

Today, I need to pick a negative habit in my life and determine steps to come up with to eliminate it. The problem I'm facing is which one to pick. I'm impatient. I have a hard time waiting for a response, driving or walking behind someone slow, or waiting on hold or in line. I'm negative. It's taken me a long time to admit that because I always thought I was the "glass half full" kind of person. But it never fails...in a situation where there are unknown factors, I always assume the worst. I'm selfish in conversations. What I mean be that is that I sometimes I am so concerned with making sure I get to say what I have to say, or being included in a conversation, I cut people off or talk over them. It's disrespectful.

I could go on and on, but I don't think the intent of today is to bash myself repeatedly (another negative habit that needs to stop in my life.) All of these are traits that need to be changed, and it's going to take a lot more than 30 days and self-determined "steps." But you have to start somewhere, so let's begin with being less selfish in conversation.

I don't mean to be selfish in conversations...and it's not that I set out with the intent of making sure everyone knows what I have to say about a subject. It's more that I'm so worried about being forgotten or not included that I completely forget about the value that other people add to the conversation. (You will soon see, dear reader, that I am a girl who has insecurity and self-worth issues that manifest their ugly faces in all sorts of delightful ways.) The issue currently is not why I have this habit though, but how I can curb it.

Besides the obvious answer of therapy or counseling, I think the first step is being more aware. The people I'm involved in conversation with have just as much value to add as I do...and may, in fact, be struggling with the same issues of wanting to be heard and included! I need to actively listen so that I am aware of when someone is not done with a thought. A second thing to remember is that the people I talk to are my friends...they want to hear what I have to say, so I can stop worrying that I will not be included. However, they don't want to be interrupted and talked over. Doing so will only cause frustration, hurt feelings, and the possibility that I will be excluded, not because they don't care, but because they are tired of being disrespected. Finally, I need to apologize when and if I do interrupt. It's bound to happen until I get it under control. But when it does happen, catching myself and immediately apologizing should help.

What's a negative habit you would like to eliminate from your life?