We hear that phrase a lot, don't we? As with most things, however, it's easier said than done. Forgiveness takes more than we could ever imagine sometimes. And forget? Let's be honest...that's almost impossible to do. They seem to go hand in hand if we are to believe the cliched phrase...but do they?
As Christians, we are called to forgive, if for no other reason than Christ forgave us. I think of the daily list of things I do that I know are outside His will and I cringe sometimes. It may be infractions as "small" as a hateful thought, but it's still less than what He desires of my life. He forgives though, over and over again. So the question then becomes, if He can do it so frequently and easily, why is it so hard for us?
I think that we forget what forgiveness actually involves. As I was recently reminded by the Living It Out, forgiveness is not just a one time occurence. Sometimes it's a process. We may think we've forgiven someone for a hurt they caused us. Then something reminds us of that pain or the transgressor hurts us again. That's where forgivenss changes from a choice to a process.
We must make the choice to forgive AGAIN. It may be harder to do the second time around, but it's even more important. If you have a bruise on your leg and you hit it again, it hurts even more and takes longer to heal. The same idea applies to hurts in our lives. If the same person hurts you more than once, you will find that, not only does it get more painful, it gets harder to forgive them. It must not be an option we give ourselves; we must make it a necessity to forgive. Not just for the perpetrator of our pain, but for ourselves as well.
Forgiving someone is just as much for us as it is for the one we are forgiving. If we ever reach a point where we "can not" forgive someone, we are in danger of causing irreparable damage to our own hearts, more so than anyone else could cause us. First, to say we can not forgive someone is a lie. It's not that we CAN NOT forgive them, it's that we do not WANT to forgive them. Second, holding on to the anger and bitterness does not cause them harm, it causes us harm. It destroys OUR hearts, OUR friendships, and OUR relationship with God.
This is why we must not only forgive, but be WILLING to forgive. In the end, we are the ones destroyed if we do not. But do we need to forget?
I think one of the most difficult things to overcome in forgivness is the idea that it means a relationship stays exactly the same. To forgive someone does NOT mean that the relationship is restored to what it once was. To be sure, there are times where we forgive someone and the relationship can stay the same going forward. There are some hurts though, that are too repetitive or too deep. In this case, it is still imperative we forgive, but to maintain that relationship would ultimately cause more harm than good. It's ok to not "forget" sometimes.
I think it's also vital to remember that our God is a God of redemption...I know I have seen Him redeem hurts I've experienced more times than I can count. It doesn't invalidate the hurt I experienced, but it's amazing to know that He can and will use that hurt for good in our lives and the lives of others. This verse helpes me remember that:
He provided REDEMPTION for his people; he ordained his covenant forever-holy and awesome is his name. ~Psalm 111:9
Forgiveness, redemption....these are all things God wants for us. He has given us the capacity for them. All we need to do is hold tightly to these truths; forgive those that hurt us, whether it's the first time or the 700th time, evaluate relationships that are damaging and move towards healthy ones, and never forget that we forgive because He has and is forgiving of us.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Jonah, Me, and a 2014 Version of a Whale
Once upon a time, a girl didn't listen to God and got swallowed by a whale.
Not buying it? Ok, maybe I didn't get swallowed by a LITERAL whale like Jonah did, but I definitely have some stuff in common with that guy. For those of you who may not be familiar, there's a book in the Old Testament called Jonah. In it, we learn that God told Jonah to go and preach against the city of Nineveh. Jonah wasn't too hot on that idea though...he knew his message wouldn't be well received. So he went the exact OPPOSITE direction God told him to go.
Just to clear things up, God did not tell me to go and preach against anyone. He did however, put a very specific whisper in my ear that I ignored.
In the spring of last year, some very good friends announced that they would be moving to Florida to plant a church. When they announced it, I was sad, but at the same time kind of curious about it. I had never thought about church planting before. I told Mark Bernard, who would be the lead pastor and head up the plant, that I was interested.
Over the next couple weeks I kept asking questions until one pivotal service. I can't tell you everything about the service or even exactly what was said. I remember that Steve Hutmacher was in a video, talking about the future of the Church and how new churches were needed...and I knew I was meant to go with Mark and the rest of the team.
In May of last year, a team of 9 of us went to Florida to decide on the final location for the church. There were 3 locations that were looked at: Palm coast, Jacksonville, and Melbourne. At this point, I was doubting my decision to move. When we visited Palm Coast and discussed Jacksonville, I had a sense of relief. If either of these places were chosen, it would be easy for me to stay in Toledo. Then we visited Melbourne.
Melbourne was a beautiful town on the Atlantic coast. About 45 minutes southeast of Orlando, it reminded me slightly of my beloved Myrtle Beach. It had the same laid back, coastal city feel...but without all the garish tourist hype. I fell in love...and my immediate thought was "Crap. I have a choice to make."
When we got back to Toledo, I kept putting off the decision, saying I was thinking and praying about it. The truth was that I had things I was clinging to and wasn't ready to give up...and moving to Melbourne would mean surrendering those things for good. And that's when I was swallowed.
Slowly, over a period of about 6 to 8 months, I saw most of these things I was holding on to begin to disappear. There were several different facets to these things: relational, occupational, spiritual. Eventually I reached a place where I was more depressed and miserable than I had ever been; I was in the belly of a whale, and I wanted out. Then I got a phone call that changed everything.
One of my best friends (and Mark's daughter), Jess, called me while I was at work. I shot her a quick text telling her I was at work and asking what was up. She said that Mark just had a couple questions for me. I told her I'd call him after work. I figured he just wanted my opinion on something for Student Ministries since I had been so heavily involved when he was in Toledo.
The first words out of Mark's mouth were "What do we need to do to get you down here?" I promptly burst in to tears. I'll save you the details of the conversation, but after I hung up, I promised God I was done running.
What's amazing is how everything has fallen in to place since that conversation. Anyone who knows me will tell you I HATE making decisions...and constantly second guess mine. I can honestly say this is the first decision I've made that I've felt total peace about and haven't second guessed. I'm excited to begin my new life in Melbourne and see what God has planned for me there.
There are lots of people in Toledo I will miss. My best friend Kelly, my dear friends the ENTIRE Shortridge clan, my family...I could probably go on and on. But I know that God has amazing things in store for me. He's been faithful in redeeming the hurt in my life before, and He will be faithful again.
Have you ever known that God wanted something of you and run the opposite way? What was it? How did it end up?
Not buying it? Ok, maybe I didn't get swallowed by a LITERAL whale like Jonah did, but I definitely have some stuff in common with that guy. For those of you who may not be familiar, there's a book in the Old Testament called Jonah. In it, we learn that God told Jonah to go and preach against the city of Nineveh. Jonah wasn't too hot on that idea though...he knew his message wouldn't be well received. So he went the exact OPPOSITE direction God told him to go.
Just to clear things up, God did not tell me to go and preach against anyone. He did however, put a very specific whisper in my ear that I ignored.
In the spring of last year, some very good friends announced that they would be moving to Florida to plant a church. When they announced it, I was sad, but at the same time kind of curious about it. I had never thought about church planting before. I told Mark Bernard, who would be the lead pastor and head up the plant, that I was interested.
Over the next couple weeks I kept asking questions until one pivotal service. I can't tell you everything about the service or even exactly what was said. I remember that Steve Hutmacher was in a video, talking about the future of the Church and how new churches were needed...and I knew I was meant to go with Mark and the rest of the team.
In May of last year, a team of 9 of us went to Florida to decide on the final location for the church. There were 3 locations that were looked at: Palm coast, Jacksonville, and Melbourne. At this point, I was doubting my decision to move. When we visited Palm Coast and discussed Jacksonville, I had a sense of relief. If either of these places were chosen, it would be easy for me to stay in Toledo. Then we visited Melbourne.
Melbourne was a beautiful town on the Atlantic coast. About 45 minutes southeast of Orlando, it reminded me slightly of my beloved Myrtle Beach. It had the same laid back, coastal city feel...but without all the garish tourist hype. I fell in love...and my immediate thought was "Crap. I have a choice to make."
When we got back to Toledo, I kept putting off the decision, saying I was thinking and praying about it. The truth was that I had things I was clinging to and wasn't ready to give up...and moving to Melbourne would mean surrendering those things for good. And that's when I was swallowed.
Slowly, over a period of about 6 to 8 months, I saw most of these things I was holding on to begin to disappear. There were several different facets to these things: relational, occupational, spiritual. Eventually I reached a place where I was more depressed and miserable than I had ever been; I was in the belly of a whale, and I wanted out. Then I got a phone call that changed everything.
One of my best friends (and Mark's daughter), Jess, called me while I was at work. I shot her a quick text telling her I was at work and asking what was up. She said that Mark just had a couple questions for me. I told her I'd call him after work. I figured he just wanted my opinion on something for Student Ministries since I had been so heavily involved when he was in Toledo.
The first words out of Mark's mouth were "What do we need to do to get you down here?" I promptly burst in to tears. I'll save you the details of the conversation, but after I hung up, I promised God I was done running.
What's amazing is how everything has fallen in to place since that conversation. Anyone who knows me will tell you I HATE making decisions...and constantly second guess mine. I can honestly say this is the first decision I've made that I've felt total peace about and haven't second guessed. I'm excited to begin my new life in Melbourne and see what God has planned for me there.
There are lots of people in Toledo I will miss. My best friend Kelly, my dear friends the ENTIRE Shortridge clan, my family...I could probably go on and on. But I know that God has amazing things in store for me. He's been faithful in redeeming the hurt in my life before, and He will be faithful again.
Have you ever known that God wanted something of you and run the opposite way? What was it? How did it end up?
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
A Cord of Three Threads....
There is one thing that the entire human race has in common: we are all relational. Whether it is a friendship, a family member, or a significant other, we all have relationships that we value and invest in.
Can I be honest though? There are a lot of times I screw it up.
I decide to just “suck it up” when someone says or does something that hurts me. Other times I’ve made one person so important in my life I can’t seem to function without them. And then there are the times I put on an act to make sure I “mesh” with the people I’m hanging out with.
Any way you look at it, these are mistakes. And I’m guessing I’m not the only one who has made them. Lately I’ve been wondering if there’s a way to move through life and minimize the damage caused by these pitfalls? I believe there is.
First, we need to realize that healthy relationships require communication. Let’s be honest. No one likes confrontation. But when it comes to those we care about, sometimes it is required. It may be hard to tell a loved one that they have upset or hurt you, but it’s necessary to move forward. Refusing to discuss issues is a one way ticket to an imploding relationship.
Second, realize that healthy relationships are balanced. Every relationship goes through different seasons. Sometimes you need your friend’s support more, and other times they need yours. If you find yourself constantly giving and never receiving, or constantly taking and never giving, it may be time to re-evaluate the importance of that relationship.
The second part of a balanced relationship is ensuring that you don’t revolve your life around one person. Sometimes it is that “best friend” that we can do absolutely nothing without; most often, it’s a potential love interest or significant other. We need to remember that part of what makes meaningful relationships fulfilling and fun is that it involves two separate people…not two people who cannot separate from each other.
Healthy relationships also mirror Christ’s love. These are ones where both people can be totally honest with each other without fear of rejection. We should not need to “perform” to be accepted by those we love. That doesn’t mean that you always agree on everything, but it does mean you accept and love each other for who you are, not how you act or what you offer. If you feel like you need to behave or act a certain way around particular people, it might be time to re-think those relationships.
Finally, the healthiest relationships are centered on Christ. I’m going to make you work for this one…check out Ecclesiastes 4:12. Read it. Think about it. Tell me what it means to you. It’s been pivotal for me.
God created us to be relational and wants us to have fulfilling relationships. We’re never going to get it perfect…we’re human. But I believe that if we keep these principles in mind, our relationships will flourish like we’ve never seen before.
What’s one area you need to strengthen when it comes to your relationships?
Can I be honest though? There are a lot of times I screw it up.
I decide to just “suck it up” when someone says or does something that hurts me. Other times I’ve made one person so important in my life I can’t seem to function without them. And then there are the times I put on an act to make sure I “mesh” with the people I’m hanging out with.
Any way you look at it, these are mistakes. And I’m guessing I’m not the only one who has made them. Lately I’ve been wondering if there’s a way to move through life and minimize the damage caused by these pitfalls? I believe there is.
First, we need to realize that healthy relationships require communication. Let’s be honest. No one likes confrontation. But when it comes to those we care about, sometimes it is required. It may be hard to tell a loved one that they have upset or hurt you, but it’s necessary to move forward. Refusing to discuss issues is a one way ticket to an imploding relationship.
Second, realize that healthy relationships are balanced. Every relationship goes through different seasons. Sometimes you need your friend’s support more, and other times they need yours. If you find yourself constantly giving and never receiving, or constantly taking and never giving, it may be time to re-evaluate the importance of that relationship.
The second part of a balanced relationship is ensuring that you don’t revolve your life around one person. Sometimes it is that “best friend” that we can do absolutely nothing without; most often, it’s a potential love interest or significant other. We need to remember that part of what makes meaningful relationships fulfilling and fun is that it involves two separate people…not two people who cannot separate from each other.
Healthy relationships also mirror Christ’s love. These are ones where both people can be totally honest with each other without fear of rejection. We should not need to “perform” to be accepted by those we love. That doesn’t mean that you always agree on everything, but it does mean you accept and love each other for who you are, not how you act or what you offer. If you feel like you need to behave or act a certain way around particular people, it might be time to re-think those relationships.
Finally, the healthiest relationships are centered on Christ. I’m going to make you work for this one…check out Ecclesiastes 4:12. Read it. Think about it. Tell me what it means to you. It’s been pivotal for me.
God created us to be relational and wants us to have fulfilling relationships. We’re never going to get it perfect…we’re human. But I believe that if we keep these principles in mind, our relationships will flourish like we’ve never seen before.
What’s one area you need to strengthen when it comes to your relationships?
Friday, February 14, 2014
Follow.
The following is an adaptation from a post I contributed to the Living It Out bible study.
We crave human interaction and touch. It’s comforting, reassuring and can even be healing. Premature twins have even been shown to do better when placed next to each other in the NICU. There’s something essential about human touch and interaction.
So imagine how it would feel to be cut off from all human touch and interaction. The disease of leprosy did just that...it separated the person from all human contact. Those infected with leprosy were required to announce that they were unclean any time they were in a public area. They were not permitted to touch others, or even to enter the temple to worship. They were cut off physically, relationally, and spiritually from all of society.
Today, while leprosy may not separate people, there are a host of other illnesses and conditions that do. It could be an aggressive cancer that keeps someone isolated in their hospital room...or maybe it’s insecurities that prevent people from forming healthy, meaningful relationships. Whatever the “sickness” is, it cuts people off from valuable, life giving relationships.
How often do we make time or go out of our way to care for these people though? Maybe if it’s a close friend or our obligatory once a month volunteer day at a homeless shelter. The truth is that most of us get so caught up in our own lives, we don't stop to think about caring for the sick. We could stand to take a lesson from the following passage in Mark 1:
40 “A man with leprosy came and knelt in front of Jesus, begging to be healed. “If you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean,” he said. 41 Moved with compassion, Jesus reached out and touched him. “I am willing,” he said. “Be healed!” 42 Instantly the leprosy disappeared, and the man was healed.”
Jesus didn't care that this guy interrupted what he was doing. He didn't care that he was sick and exposing him to his illness. He saw someone hurting and was moved to do something.
If we are truly honest with ourselves, I bet a lot of us really struggle with this. We may find it easy to take care of our best friend or our significant other if they are sick...but that is not what Jesus is calling us to. We are to care for all the sick, the lonely, the hurting, even if it inconveniences us and causes us discomfort.
We live in a hurt, broken, infirmed place. There are people who are physically ill and can't afford proper healthcare. Some are devastated by circumstances in life that have left them homeless or feeling outcast. There are those who have internal struggles that are silently crying out for compassion. We need to step out of our cozy little nests that we've made and see the world for what it is...and then do everythying in our power to follow Christ's example.
We crave human interaction and touch. It’s comforting, reassuring and can even be healing. Premature twins have even been shown to do better when placed next to each other in the NICU. There’s something essential about human touch and interaction.
So imagine how it would feel to be cut off from all human touch and interaction. The disease of leprosy did just that...it separated the person from all human contact. Those infected with leprosy were required to announce that they were unclean any time they were in a public area. They were not permitted to touch others, or even to enter the temple to worship. They were cut off physically, relationally, and spiritually from all of society.
Today, while leprosy may not separate people, there are a host of other illnesses and conditions that do. It could be an aggressive cancer that keeps someone isolated in their hospital room...or maybe it’s insecurities that prevent people from forming healthy, meaningful relationships. Whatever the “sickness” is, it cuts people off from valuable, life giving relationships.
How often do we make time or go out of our way to care for these people though? Maybe if it’s a close friend or our obligatory once a month volunteer day at a homeless shelter. The truth is that most of us get so caught up in our own lives, we don't stop to think about caring for the sick. We could stand to take a lesson from the following passage in Mark 1:
40 “A man with leprosy came and knelt in front of Jesus, begging to be healed. “If you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean,” he said. 41 Moved with compassion, Jesus reached out and touched him. “I am willing,” he said. “Be healed!” 42 Instantly the leprosy disappeared, and the man was healed.”
Jesus didn't care that this guy interrupted what he was doing. He didn't care that he was sick and exposing him to his illness. He saw someone hurting and was moved to do something.
If we are truly honest with ourselves, I bet a lot of us really struggle with this. We may find it easy to take care of our best friend or our significant other if they are sick...but that is not what Jesus is calling us to. We are to care for all the sick, the lonely, the hurting, even if it inconveniences us and causes us discomfort.
We live in a hurt, broken, infirmed place. There are people who are physically ill and can't afford proper healthcare. Some are devastated by circumstances in life that have left them homeless or feeling outcast. There are those who have internal struggles that are silently crying out for compassion. We need to step out of our cozy little nests that we've made and see the world for what it is...and then do everythying in our power to follow Christ's example.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Here's to a Healthy 2014!
Most people begin the new year with a resolution or promise to themselves to finally "get healthy." Gym memberships spike, produce supply gets depleted faster at the grocry store, and social media posts toting a "new healthier me!" flood our newsfeeds.
But it's February now. The treadmills aren't quite as hard to access at the gym, fruits and vegetables are more available, and most of our health obsessed friends have gone mysteriously quiet.
To be sure, there are some who stick with their goal and are still posting their progress. The committment they've made is a serious one and they should be applauded.
But how healthy are they...really?
Far too often, we associate being "healthy" with eating right and exercising. But it's far more than that. Our lives and how we live them speak volumes more about our health than the number on the scale or the number of reps we can push through.
Most of the time, we don't even realize how unhealthy we really are. So what if we go out for drinks and have a few too many? Who cares if we're prideful and boast of our accomplishments? (Please understand: there is a difference between being proud of an achievement and elevating yourself above others.) Why does it matter if we alienate people who care about us if there are others who are willing to affirm the choices we make?
In the last 2 years, I've lost 60 pounds, compelted several 5k's and even my first half marathon. (#2 is slated for October of this year, wish me luck!" I'd say that physically, I'm far healthier than I've ever been.
Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians that our bodies are temples. Taking care of this temple does not just mean routine maintenance. It means making sure that the inside is in as good of condition as the outside, that not only is it in good physical condition, but it's a pleasing, welcoming, wholesome place as well.
There are areas where I am far from healthy and I've ignored them for a long time. I'm guessing you have some too. My areas may be different than yours...I may struggle with thinking positively of myself, you may struggle with a party life style. This year has been very eye-opening for me. Not only has it been about continuing on my physical health goals, I've become much more aware of the other areas of my life that need to be "new and healthier."
The first thing on my list is the most important: to know and truly understand how valuable and loved I am as a daughter of the most high God. I firmly believe that it's from this lack of belief (a VERY unhealthy habit) that most of my other, non-physical health issues have sprung.
So I'm on a journey...to be a newer, healthier me. As my friend Sammy recently posted, this journey is a marathon, not a sprint. I encourage you to join me. I promise, it may be hard and painful at times, but only good things will come of it. :)
It may be difficult, but evaluate your "non-physical" health. What areas need a newer, healthier you?
But it's February now. The treadmills aren't quite as hard to access at the gym, fruits and vegetables are more available, and most of our health obsessed friends have gone mysteriously quiet.
To be sure, there are some who stick with their goal and are still posting their progress. The committment they've made is a serious one and they should be applauded.
But how healthy are they...really?
Far too often, we associate being "healthy" with eating right and exercising. But it's far more than that. Our lives and how we live them speak volumes more about our health than the number on the scale or the number of reps we can push through.
Most of the time, we don't even realize how unhealthy we really are. So what if we go out for drinks and have a few too many? Who cares if we're prideful and boast of our accomplishments? (Please understand: there is a difference between being proud of an achievement and elevating yourself above others.) Why does it matter if we alienate people who care about us if there are others who are willing to affirm the choices we make?
In the last 2 years, I've lost 60 pounds, compelted several 5k's and even my first half marathon. (#2 is slated for October of this year, wish me luck!" I'd say that physically, I'm far healthier than I've ever been.
Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians that our bodies are temples. Taking care of this temple does not just mean routine maintenance. It means making sure that the inside is in as good of condition as the outside, that not only is it in good physical condition, but it's a pleasing, welcoming, wholesome place as well.
There are areas where I am far from healthy and I've ignored them for a long time. I'm guessing you have some too. My areas may be different than yours...I may struggle with thinking positively of myself, you may struggle with a party life style. This year has been very eye-opening for me. Not only has it been about continuing on my physical health goals, I've become much more aware of the other areas of my life that need to be "new and healthier."
The first thing on my list is the most important: to know and truly understand how valuable and loved I am as a daughter of the most high God. I firmly believe that it's from this lack of belief (a VERY unhealthy habit) that most of my other, non-physical health issues have sprung.
So I'm on a journey...to be a newer, healthier me. As my friend Sammy recently posted, this journey is a marathon, not a sprint. I encourage you to join me. I promise, it may be hard and painful at times, but only good things will come of it. :)
It may be difficult, but evaluate your "non-physical" health. What areas need a newer, healthier you?
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
RePurpose Your Pain
The following is an adaptation from a post I contributed to the Living It Out bible study.
There is pain in the world. No one denies that statement. There is a debate, though, on whether that pain has a purpose or not. Realistically, it depends on your response to it. Some people choose to stay in the hurt and not move past it. It enslaves them, and in one of the ugliest ways possible. Everything in life is viewed through the tainted glasses of pain and bitterness that they now wear. Tragedy happens and they can no longer relate to anyone else. Their minds are consumed with the thoughts "Why me?!" and "It's just not fair!" These thoughts consume every other thought. Life becomes almost unbearable and sometimes they forget what it is to not feel so broken.
Is this the only option though? To be sure, there is a time for grieving and sandess in the tragedies that criss-cross our lives. But, what if we were to move past that tragedy and repurpose the pain? What if we looked past the hurt and wondered, "How can I be stronger or better from this?" I find myself asking that question a lot, especially lately. The phrase "when it rains, it pours" has echoed through my mind more times than I can count. If there is one truth I know though, it's that God will use the pain I experience in my life to answer that very question. Sometimes the pain is because of unwise choices I have made, and sometimes it's because of circumstances in life. Either way, choosing to stay in the same, broken state, viewing everything through that pain is not what God desires for me. And it's not what he desires for you.
In the same way that an old, worn-out, rickety chair can be sanded down, refinished and reupholstered, our pain can often serve to refinish us into newer, stronger people. It will be easier in some situations than others, learning from the pain of a break up is usually easier than moving through the pain of a loved one's death. In all situations though, Christ wants redemption for us...
He provided redemption for his people;
he ordained his covenant forever—
holy and awesome is his name.
Psalm 111:9
That is his purpose. When tragedy or heartache occur in our lives, we are to turn to Christ. It's through his strength that we look at the pain and know that we will not be overcome by it. So for me personally, I choose to cling to that verse, and know that God has already redeemed my pain and is moving me towards something even better.
What struggles have you encountered in moving through painful situations in your life?
Have you been able to overcome them?
How have you been made stronger or better through the experience?
There is pain in the world. No one denies that statement. There is a debate, though, on whether that pain has a purpose or not. Realistically, it depends on your response to it. Some people choose to stay in the hurt and not move past it. It enslaves them, and in one of the ugliest ways possible. Everything in life is viewed through the tainted glasses of pain and bitterness that they now wear. Tragedy happens and they can no longer relate to anyone else. Their minds are consumed with the thoughts "Why me?!" and "It's just not fair!" These thoughts consume every other thought. Life becomes almost unbearable and sometimes they forget what it is to not feel so broken.
Is this the only option though? To be sure, there is a time for grieving and sandess in the tragedies that criss-cross our lives. But, what if we were to move past that tragedy and repurpose the pain? What if we looked past the hurt and wondered, "How can I be stronger or better from this?" I find myself asking that question a lot, especially lately. The phrase "when it rains, it pours" has echoed through my mind more times than I can count. If there is one truth I know though, it's that God will use the pain I experience in my life to answer that very question. Sometimes the pain is because of unwise choices I have made, and sometimes it's because of circumstances in life. Either way, choosing to stay in the same, broken state, viewing everything through that pain is not what God desires for me. And it's not what he desires for you.
In the same way that an old, worn-out, rickety chair can be sanded down, refinished and reupholstered, our pain can often serve to refinish us into newer, stronger people. It will be easier in some situations than others, learning from the pain of a break up is usually easier than moving through the pain of a loved one's death. In all situations though, Christ wants redemption for us...
He provided redemption for his people;
he ordained his covenant forever—
holy and awesome is his name.
Psalm 111:9
That is his purpose. When tragedy or heartache occur in our lives, we are to turn to Christ. It's through his strength that we look at the pain and know that we will not be overcome by it. So for me personally, I choose to cling to that verse, and know that God has already redeemed my pain and is moving me towards something even better.
What struggles have you encountered in moving through painful situations in your life?
Have you been able to overcome them?
How have you been made stronger or better through the experience?
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
What was I thinking?!?
Have you ever come across an old photo of yourself? I don't know about you, but usually my first thought is "What was I thinking?!?" Most often it's because of some terrible haircut I had or some atrocious piece of clothing. Remind me to tell you about the time I inadvertently matched my 60 year old substitute teacher...did I mention I was in 7th grade at the time?
That's the simultaneously great and awful thing about photos. They freeze a moment of our history for us to look back and reflect on. Sometimes we even stare in horror at the choices we made, but at the time of the photo, it was a good choice. (Luckily, I've developed a much better fashion sense in the years that followed that tragic 7th grade moment.)
I feel like that's a good comparison for life though. At any stage of our lives, we are making choices and decisions that we are convinced are good. It's only as we get older that we look back at those choices and see that maybe they weren't so great after all.
Sometimes it's tough for me to reconcile my actual age with the way I feel...which is about 18, maybe 22 on a good day. I feel young and energetic and excited for life, just like I did at those ages. The amazing thing is though, I would not go back to being those ages for anything in the world. I look back at the "issues" I had that caused me so much anxiety, realize how silly they were, and am eternally grateful that, for the most part, I don't need to subject myself to that again.
I'm by no means saying that I have life completely figured out. And I'm definitely not saying all those angst ridden moments never occur now. I'm entirely sure in another 10 years (let's not bring up what age I will be then, thank you), I will look back at moments now and wonder what I was thinking with the choices I made.
I guess what I'm saying is that as tough as it is for me to admit I'm 34 (DANG IT! I wasn't going to tell!), I love where I am in life. I can look back at the last 10 years and see what I did well and what I needed to change so that over the next 10 years, I can continue to do those things. And as those changes happen, life gets even better.
My hope is that as we get older, we continue to do just that...make fewer and fewer poor choices and more and more wise ones. If we do, then every year of life we live, we will grow up a little more, grow a little closer to Jesus, and learn a little more about who He created us to be.
What ares of your life can you look back on and see where you've grown?
That's the simultaneously great and awful thing about photos. They freeze a moment of our history for us to look back and reflect on. Sometimes we even stare in horror at the choices we made, but at the time of the photo, it was a good choice. (Luckily, I've developed a much better fashion sense in the years that followed that tragic 7th grade moment.)
I feel like that's a good comparison for life though. At any stage of our lives, we are making choices and decisions that we are convinced are good. It's only as we get older that we look back at those choices and see that maybe they weren't so great after all.
Sometimes it's tough for me to reconcile my actual age with the way I feel...which is about 18, maybe 22 on a good day. I feel young and energetic and excited for life, just like I did at those ages. The amazing thing is though, I would not go back to being those ages for anything in the world. I look back at the "issues" I had that caused me so much anxiety, realize how silly they were, and am eternally grateful that, for the most part, I don't need to subject myself to that again.
I'm by no means saying that I have life completely figured out. And I'm definitely not saying all those angst ridden moments never occur now. I'm entirely sure in another 10 years (let's not bring up what age I will be then, thank you), I will look back at moments now and wonder what I was thinking with the choices I made.
I guess what I'm saying is that as tough as it is for me to admit I'm 34 (DANG IT! I wasn't going to tell!), I love where I am in life. I can look back at the last 10 years and see what I did well and what I needed to change so that over the next 10 years, I can continue to do those things. And as those changes happen, life gets even better.
My hope is that as we get older, we continue to do just that...make fewer and fewer poor choices and more and more wise ones. If we do, then every year of life we live, we will grow up a little more, grow a little closer to Jesus, and learn a little more about who He created us to be.
What ares of your life can you look back on and see where you've grown?
Monday, January 6, 2014
Day Six: What to Say About Women
Today's challenge is to find a quote that stands out to me on being a woman or womanhood. I read through a LOT of them. Some of them were funny, some were extreme...but one in particular did stand out:
Women are never so strong as after their defeat.
Alexandre Dumas
This one struck me because of my Six Word Memoir. It also stood out to me, however, because of my life at the current moment.
We all experience ups and downs in life...after all, what fun is the amusement park without a couple of rides on a roller coaster? At some point though, you reach your limit. No matter how much you would like to, you can't take one more dizzying ride. That's where the memoir and this quote intersect.
My life has not been a particularly difficult one...but it has not been a particularly easy one either. I dealt with issues with my family that I'm guessing very few other teenage girls dealt with...perhaps some day it will be appropriate to share those, but for now, just know that they lend themselves to where I am at today. That is, of course, in addition to the hundreds of other things that girls DO typically have to deal with...and at some point, you encounter a collision of epic proportions.
What's funny, in an ironic sort of way of course, is that I can identify most of my issues. I'm sure there are some that I can't, or rather refuse, to see...but generally speaking, I know "what's wrong with me." I can also tell you things that need to be done or implemented to make these things better...but I can't seem to do it. Which leads me to where I'm at at this moment...looking to the past and determining to be better. Recognizing that, while at this moment I feel defeated, God WILL use this for my good and make me stronger. That is why this quote stood out to me. It speaks to the reality of the pain we suffer, and the hope that we have of being stronger when it is overcome.
Women are never so strong as after their defeat.
Alexandre Dumas
This one struck me because of my Six Word Memoir. It also stood out to me, however, because of my life at the current moment.
We all experience ups and downs in life...after all, what fun is the amusement park without a couple of rides on a roller coaster? At some point though, you reach your limit. No matter how much you would like to, you can't take one more dizzying ride. That's where the memoir and this quote intersect.
My life has not been a particularly difficult one...but it has not been a particularly easy one either. I dealt with issues with my family that I'm guessing very few other teenage girls dealt with...perhaps some day it will be appropriate to share those, but for now, just know that they lend themselves to where I am at today. That is, of course, in addition to the hundreds of other things that girls DO typically have to deal with...and at some point, you encounter a collision of epic proportions.
What's funny, in an ironic sort of way of course, is that I can identify most of my issues. I'm sure there are some that I can't, or rather refuse, to see...but generally speaking, I know "what's wrong with me." I can also tell you things that need to be done or implemented to make these things better...but I can't seem to do it. Which leads me to where I'm at at this moment...looking to the past and determining to be better. Recognizing that, while at this moment I feel defeated, God WILL use this for my good and make me stronger. That is why this quote stood out to me. It speaks to the reality of the pain we suffer, and the hope that we have of being stronger when it is overcome.
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Day Five: Dear So and So
Today's selection is supposed to be a very real, raw letter to someone. It can be expressing love, hurt, disappointment, encouragement....and while I am all for transparency, I think this one may be a bit too personal to share on the Internet. :)
Instead, I would like to ruminate (nice word drop, eh?) on why, as Christians, we are so concerned with the acceptance of others, when we know fully well that we are loved beyond measure. I know that I can not be the only one who struggles in this area. It amazes me how quickly I can go from feeling happy and loved to feeling like I'm not wanted or liked. It's a problem. A perfect example occurred just the other day. I had different plans than I normally do and was having a great time...until I realized that the people I would normally have been with were hanging out and no one bothered to ask where I was at or why I wasn't with them. Now, logically, I can tell myself that I had checked into a restaurant at around the time we would normally be getting together and they had seen that and assumed I had other plans. Makes perfect sense. But I FELT like no one cared that I wasn't there. What's the deal?
The "deal" is that magical word "felt." God gave us our emotions and they are good and beneficial....sometimes. But they are also misleading.
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9 NIV)
AHA! There is the problem my friends. God very clearly tells us that our hearts are misleading and a mystery. We are to use WISDOM as well as emotion when interacting in this life. We need to stop being ruled by our emotions. I know, I know...easier said than done. But it is possible.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8 NIV)
A dear friend gave me that verse the other day...as a means to fight self-doubt, insecurity, and anxiety. If we focus our thoughts the way Paul instructs us, we will begin to re-train our minds to not focus so much on the feelings that are ruling us and causing our downfalls.
It's ok to have emotions and feelings...God created us that way! We SHOULD rejoice in them...when they are done in a healthy, God honoring way. They should not rule us and make us to feel that we are less valuable and loved than we are.
Instead, I would like to ruminate (nice word drop, eh?) on why, as Christians, we are so concerned with the acceptance of others, when we know fully well that we are loved beyond measure. I know that I can not be the only one who struggles in this area. It amazes me how quickly I can go from feeling happy and loved to feeling like I'm not wanted or liked. It's a problem. A perfect example occurred just the other day. I had different plans than I normally do and was having a great time...until I realized that the people I would normally have been with were hanging out and no one bothered to ask where I was at or why I wasn't with them. Now, logically, I can tell myself that I had checked into a restaurant at around the time we would normally be getting together and they had seen that and assumed I had other plans. Makes perfect sense. But I FELT like no one cared that I wasn't there. What's the deal?
The "deal" is that magical word "felt." God gave us our emotions and they are good and beneficial....sometimes. But they are also misleading.
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9 NIV)
AHA! There is the problem my friends. God very clearly tells us that our hearts are misleading and a mystery. We are to use WISDOM as well as emotion when interacting in this life. We need to stop being ruled by our emotions. I know, I know...easier said than done. But it is possible.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8 NIV)
A dear friend gave me that verse the other day...as a means to fight self-doubt, insecurity, and anxiety. If we focus our thoughts the way Paul instructs us, we will begin to re-train our minds to not focus so much on the feelings that are ruling us and causing our downfalls.
It's ok to have emotions and feelings...God created us that way! We SHOULD rejoice in them...when they are done in a healthy, God honoring way. They should not rule us and make us to feel that we are less valuable and loved than we are.
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Day Four: Delete.
First, as a matter of accountability, I did not, in fact, get to sleep by 11pm last night. Normally Friday wouldn't count but, lucky me, I get to be the weekend manager at work this weekend. I'm thrilled. Can you tell? I thought so.
Today, I need to pick a negative habit in my life and determine steps to come up with to eliminate it. The problem I'm facing is which one to pick. I'm impatient. I have a hard time waiting for a response, driving or walking behind someone slow, or waiting on hold or in line. I'm negative. It's taken me a long time to admit that because I always thought I was the "glass half full" kind of person. But it never fails...in a situation where there are unknown factors, I always assume the worst. I'm selfish in conversations. What I mean be that is that I sometimes I am so concerned with making sure I get to say what I have to say, or being included in a conversation, I cut people off or talk over them. It's disrespectful.
I could go on and on, but I don't think the intent of today is to bash myself repeatedly (another negative habit that needs to stop in my life.) All of these are traits that need to be changed, and it's going to take a lot more than 30 days and self-determined "steps." But you have to start somewhere, so let's begin with being less selfish in conversation.
I don't mean to be selfish in conversations...and it's not that I set out with the intent of making sure everyone knows what I have to say about a subject. It's more that I'm so worried about being forgotten or not included that I completely forget about the value that other people add to the conversation. (You will soon see, dear reader, that I am a girl who has insecurity and self-worth issues that manifest their ugly faces in all sorts of delightful ways.) The issue currently is not why I have this habit though, but how I can curb it.
Besides the obvious answer of therapy or counseling, I think the first step is being more aware. The people I'm involved in conversation with have just as much value to add as I do...and may, in fact, be struggling with the same issues of wanting to be heard and included! I need to actively listen so that I am aware of when someone is not done with a thought. A second thing to remember is that the people I talk to are my friends...they want to hear what I have to say, so I can stop worrying that I will not be included. However, they don't want to be interrupted and talked over. Doing so will only cause frustration, hurt feelings, and the possibility that I will be excluded, not because they don't care, but because they are tired of being disrespected. Finally, I need to apologize when and if I do interrupt. It's bound to happen until I get it under control. But when it does happen, catching myself and immediately apologizing should help.
What's a negative habit you would like to eliminate from your life?
Today, I need to pick a negative habit in my life and determine steps to come up with to eliminate it. The problem I'm facing is which one to pick. I'm impatient. I have a hard time waiting for a response, driving or walking behind someone slow, or waiting on hold or in line. I'm negative. It's taken me a long time to admit that because I always thought I was the "glass half full" kind of person. But it never fails...in a situation where there are unknown factors, I always assume the worst. I'm selfish in conversations. What I mean be that is that I sometimes I am so concerned with making sure I get to say what I have to say, or being included in a conversation, I cut people off or talk over them. It's disrespectful.
I could go on and on, but I don't think the intent of today is to bash myself repeatedly (another negative habit that needs to stop in my life.) All of these are traits that need to be changed, and it's going to take a lot more than 30 days and self-determined "steps." But you have to start somewhere, so let's begin with being less selfish in conversation.
I don't mean to be selfish in conversations...and it's not that I set out with the intent of making sure everyone knows what I have to say about a subject. It's more that I'm so worried about being forgotten or not included that I completely forget about the value that other people add to the conversation. (You will soon see, dear reader, that I am a girl who has insecurity and self-worth issues that manifest their ugly faces in all sorts of delightful ways.) The issue currently is not why I have this habit though, but how I can curb it.
Besides the obvious answer of therapy or counseling, I think the first step is being more aware. The people I'm involved in conversation with have just as much value to add as I do...and may, in fact, be struggling with the same issues of wanting to be heard and included! I need to actively listen so that I am aware of when someone is not done with a thought. A second thing to remember is that the people I talk to are my friends...they want to hear what I have to say, so I can stop worrying that I will not be included. However, they don't want to be interrupted and talked over. Doing so will only cause frustration, hurt feelings, and the possibility that I will be excluded, not because they don't care, but because they are tired of being disrespected. Finally, I need to apologize when and if I do interrupt. It's bound to happen until I get it under control. But when it does happen, catching myself and immediately apologizing should help.
What's a negative habit you would like to eliminate from your life?
Friday, January 3, 2014
31 Day Journey, Days One through Three
A friend posted a challenge...a 31 day journaling challenge. It was actually on the website The Art of Manliness, but it seems really intriguing, so I'm going to give it a shot. Obviously I will adjust if something is "man-specific," but let's hope that the awkwardness is kept to a minimum, eh? ;) Also, I'm behind, so we are going to cram three days into one. Ready? GO.
Day One: Why Journal?
I like journaling...mostly because I like writing. It's therapeutic and I get to share my thoughts. I've always had a secret wish to be a writer. It's funny though, for something I love doing and find so soothing when I do, I rarely make time for it. I think it's that way with a lot of important things in my life. I let myself get so busy doing "things" that I forget to make time for what is really important. Or, to be totally honest, I let myself make excuses for not doing those things (like running, time with God, writing, REST)and then tune out the guild with some other mind numbing activity, like watching Netflix.
So I guess what I'm hoping from this is that I get in the habit of writing more often. That's why I chose to use my blog instead of a journal. There is a level of accountability here...from my 3 readers. ;) I'm sure some of these posts will be personal, but I don't mind being transparent. I've found that I've always learned the most when people are honest and real. Sure, there are your standard "right answers" to everything, but when those answers just make you feel like more of a failure because you struggle with them, that doesn't really help. It helps to know that other people have the same issues and struggles as you. It's comforting to know that you are not the only one who struggles with making time for Jesus, keeping to a fitness plan, money management, or breaking free from harmful relationships. There is hope in knowing that other people you respect and look up to struggle with their appearance, or with feeling loved. So even if it is forever emblazoned on the internet, I'm ok sharing my struggles because maybe they will help someone else.
Day Two: The 6 Word Memoir
Day Three: Add Benefit to Your Life
First, can I just say how hard it is to not read ahead and see what the future entries will be?? Haha, I love surprises, but I hate waiting for them!
Anyways, today's entry is something beneficial or positive that I want to add to my life. It can be anything from a simple health habit (flossing every day) to something more intense. The problem is, there are SO MANY things that I want to add to my life. But part of a journey is learning how to take one step at a time, right? I think that "writing more" is a cop-out because I've already committed to doing that...so for now, I will say that what I want to add to my life is being in bed and asleep by 11pm at least 3 times a week. I went to bed the other night at 8:30pm (I had to be up at 5am the next day) and I felt amazing. I tried it again last night (was asleep by 11) and, despite my exceptionally noisy neighbors best efforts, I seemed to get a pretty decent sleep. It was also a little easier to get up in the morning...which will make it easier to get back to running in the mornings when it warms up around here! I know it seems silly, but I have learned one thing: when you are trying to make changes in your life, small, baby steps are the best way to go. Hopefully more sleep leads to more energy, more productivity, and time better spent!
Day One: Why Journal?
I like journaling...mostly because I like writing. It's therapeutic and I get to share my thoughts. I've always had a secret wish to be a writer. It's funny though, for something I love doing and find so soothing when I do, I rarely make time for it. I think it's that way with a lot of important things in my life. I let myself get so busy doing "things" that I forget to make time for what is really important. Or, to be totally honest, I let myself make excuses for not doing those things (like running, time with God, writing, REST)and then tune out the guild with some other mind numbing activity, like watching Netflix.
So I guess what I'm hoping from this is that I get in the habit of writing more often. That's why I chose to use my blog instead of a journal. There is a level of accountability here...from my 3 readers. ;) I'm sure some of these posts will be personal, but I don't mind being transparent. I've found that I've always learned the most when people are honest and real. Sure, there are your standard "right answers" to everything, but when those answers just make you feel like more of a failure because you struggle with them, that doesn't really help. It helps to know that other people have the same issues and struggles as you. It's comforting to know that you are not the only one who struggles with making time for Jesus, keeping to a fitness plan, money management, or breaking free from harmful relationships. There is hope in knowing that other people you respect and look up to struggle with their appearance, or with feeling loved. So even if it is forever emblazoned on the internet, I'm ok sharing my struggles because maybe they will help someone else.
Day Two: The 6 Word Memoir
Learn from the past, be stronger.
Day Three: Add Benefit to Your Life
First, can I just say how hard it is to not read ahead and see what the future entries will be?? Haha, I love surprises, but I hate waiting for them!
Anyways, today's entry is something beneficial or positive that I want to add to my life. It can be anything from a simple health habit (flossing every day) to something more intense. The problem is, there are SO MANY things that I want to add to my life. But part of a journey is learning how to take one step at a time, right? I think that "writing more" is a cop-out because I've already committed to doing that...so for now, I will say that what I want to add to my life is being in bed and asleep by 11pm at least 3 times a week. I went to bed the other night at 8:30pm (I had to be up at 5am the next day) and I felt amazing. I tried it again last night (was asleep by 11) and, despite my exceptionally noisy neighbors best efforts, I seemed to get a pretty decent sleep. It was also a little easier to get up in the morning...which will make it easier to get back to running in the mornings when it warms up around here! I know it seems silly, but I have learned one thing: when you are trying to make changes in your life, small, baby steps are the best way to go. Hopefully more sleep leads to more energy, more productivity, and time better spent!
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