Forgive and Forget....

We hear that phrase a lot, don't we? As with most things, however, it's easier said than done. Forgiveness takes more than we could ever imagine sometimes. And forget? Let's be honest...that's almost impossible to do. They seem to go hand in hand if we are to believe the cliched phrase...but do they?

As Christians, we are called to forgive, if for no other reason than Christ forgave us. I think of the daily list of things I do that I know are outside His will and I cringe sometimes. It may be infractions as "small" as a hateful thought, but it's still less than what He desires of my life. He forgives though, over and over again. So the question then becomes, if He can do it so frequently and easily, why is it so hard for us?

I think that we forget what forgiveness actually involves. As I was recently reminded by the Living It Out, forgiveness is not just a one time occurence. Sometimes it's a process. We may think we've forgiven someone for a hurt they caused us. Then something reminds us of that pain or the transgressor hurts us again. That's where forgivenss changes from a choice to a process.

We must make the choice to forgive AGAIN. It may be harder to do the second time around, but it's even more important. If you have a bruise on your leg and you hit it again, it hurts even more and takes longer to heal. The same idea applies to hurts in our lives. If the same person hurts you more than once, you will find that, not only does it get more painful, it gets harder to forgive them. It must not be an option we give ourselves; we must make it a necessity to forgive. Not just for the perpetrator of our pain, but for ourselves as well.

Forgiving someone is just as much for us as it is for the one we are forgiving. If we ever reach a point where we "can not" forgive someone, we are in danger of causing irreparable damage to our own hearts, more so than anyone else could cause us. First, to say we can not forgive someone is a lie. It's not that we CAN NOT forgive them, it's that we do not WANT to forgive them. Second, holding on to the anger and bitterness does not cause them harm, it causes us harm. It destroys OUR hearts, OUR friendships, and OUR relationship with God.

This is why we must not only forgive, but be WILLING to forgive. In the end, we are the ones destroyed if we do not. But do we need to forget?

I think one of the most difficult things to overcome in forgivness is the idea that it means a relationship stays exactly the same. To forgive someone does NOT mean that the relationship is restored to what it once was. To be sure, there are times where we forgive someone and the relationship can stay the same going forward. There are some hurts though, that are too repetitive or too deep. In this case, it is still imperative we forgive, but to maintain that relationship would ultimately cause more harm than good. It's ok to not "forget" sometimes.

I think it's also vital to remember that our God is a God of redemption...I know I have seen Him redeem hurts I've experienced more times than I can count. It doesn't invalidate the hurt I experienced, but it's amazing to know that He can and will use that hurt for good in our lives and the lives of others. This verse helpes me remember that:

He provided REDEMPTION for his people; he ordained his covenant forever-holy and awesome is his name. ~Psalm 111:9

Forgiveness, redemption....these are all things God wants for us. He has given us the capacity for them. All we need to do is hold tightly to these truths; forgive those that hurt us, whether it's the first time or the 700th time, evaluate relationships that are damaging and move towards healthy ones, and never forget that we forgive because He has and is forgiving of us.